Britain Eyes Up Enormous Nuclear Cock Options

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Swivel-eyed defence secretary Dr Liam Fox told Parliament today that Britain will definitely hold onto its enormous nuclear cock, as he proudly ordered some new black nuclear swimming trunks to keep it in.

Labour’s shadow defence secretary, Jim Murphy, applauded Dr Fox’s decision, saying that waving an enormous nuclear cock had been the cornerstone of the nation’s peace and security for fifty years.

"As long as there are other countries with similar capabilities, it is right the UK retains an independent nuclear cock," he told MPs. “Even if we are all on the same side.”

“We will, of course, consider our girly-boy coalition partners’ typically limp-wristed request to look into options that don’t involve a great big nuclear cock,” drooled Dr Fox. “Although, frankly, anything else would just look silly poking out of our glistening nuclear swimming trunks.”

“If Mr Clegg is so keen to strut about bollock naked,” he added, “Perhaps he ought to remember that everybody has been sniggering at the Liberals’ limp elections for decades.”