IMF Boss Asks For 3bn Previous Attempts To Screw The Poor To Be Taken Into Consideration

How capitalism works

Following a dramatic last-minute arrest as he tried to flee the United States ahead of a charge of attempting to rape a hotel maid, IMF head Dominique Strauss-Kahn has admitted to the authorities that he has been doing his utmost to screw billions of poor people in the four years since he was appointed.

“That has always been my understanding of what the International Monetary Fund is for,” he told New York detectives who are investigating claims that he ran naked through the corridors of Manhattan’s Sofitel hotel and sexually assaulted the maid. “With the state of the global economy these days, I have a heavy workload. After a long day spent screwing the poor all over the world, is it so wrong to bring a little work home?”

“I’m sure I can clear up this simple misunderstanding with a quick telephone call,” he suggested, as he was led away from JFK airport. “The poor are there to be taken advantage of by the rich. That’s just the way it is. I demand my statutory phone call to the president. He is a politician - he understands that the poor are accustomed to being fucked. In fact, very often they actually vote for the people they would prefer to be fucked by.”

“So many poor people,” he sighed as he was pushed into a squad car, “So little time.”