Simplified Train Fares To Be Further Simplified Into One Price For All Tickets

This is the age of the train (36 years)

The government has announced another full review of train fares, with a view to simplifying them even more than a couple of years ago, when the last review of train fares was announced.

“The problem, in a nutshell, is that these bloody passengers will keep getting on trains all over the place and getting off wherever they damn well please,” complained transport secretary Richard Hammond. "Because of this, God only knows how many different tickets there are. More than ten, I reckon. Easily.”

“Not wishing to pre-empt the independent review’s findings, but I imagine some fares might have to go up, while others will probably go down,” he added. “By ‘some fares’ I mean singles, returns and season tickets, and by ‘others’ I mean the 14-day First Class All-Line Rail Rover.”

“Basically, all tickets will cost £989,” he concluded. “Unless you want to arrive at your destination in time to actually do anything, of course. I'm afraid that’s going to cost you.”