Baffled UN delegates have been scratching their heads since Nick Clegg’s maiden speech to the General Assembly, wondering what kind of fantastic global reputation he thinks Britain ever had.
“Your Mr Clegg told us that Britain must restore its world reputation,” said a puzzled member of the Indian delegation. “But then he went on to give us some guff about tolerance, fairness and equality. That’s hardly a Britain our great-grandfathers would recognise. Their recollection is of a bunch of overdressed foreigners spinning us some yarn about offering us the protection of their army, robbing us of our wealth in return for a load of shoddy mass-produced trousers, then whisking millions of Indian soldiers off to the four corners of the world to fight for Britain's interests in two world wars.”
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| Ah... happy days |
Mr Clegg was unavailable for comment as debate raged about whether he was referring to Britain’s heyday as the heart of an industrial revolution that shackled the poor to soulless production lines for the personal enrichment of the factory owners, or its salad days as the beneficiary of a vast asset-stripping empire that made a few rich people even richer and left Britain with a legacy of inspiring civic architecture which is now being enthusiastically ripped down to make way for uniformly tawdry shopping malls with a 20-year lifespan.
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