Science Cuts Will Usher In A New Dark Age, Say Scientists Who Analysed Dance Moves

Scientific analysis of Mr Cable's technique is currently focused on his wrist

Business secretary Vince Cable has been slammed – as well as boogied, macarenaed and funky chickened – by Britain’s scientific research community today, after unveiling government plans to cut spending on scientific research.

“Aaooww!” screamed evolutionary psychologist Dr Nick Neave, co-author of a ground-breaking study of the sexual attractiveness on the dance floor which was published simultaneously today in the Royal Society journal, Biology Letters, and Mixmag. “Vince Cable should get down – I said get, get, get on down – with the science homeys in the laboratories and nightclubs of Great Britain and see the fantastic moves our leading experts are making in the field of scientific endeavour, and the radical shapes they are throwing in the foam room.”

Mr Cable, however, insisted that the scientific community should do “more for less.”

“Too many of our universities are spending their research grants on ket in the chill-out room,” he opined. “There is no justification for taxpayers’ money being used to support research which is neither commercially useful nor theoretically outstanding. So if you want a grant, my advice is to either come up with a cure for death or demonstrate a working Unified Field Theory by the end of the month, else it’s back to lecturing thicky freshers for the lot of you.”

He then proceeded to strut his funky stuff in a manner which subtly transmits unmistakeable messages to the research community about his preferred method of sperm production.