Londoners Aghast At Having To Use Bus, Car or Walk Like Everyone Else

Jeremy Paxman may well die here if somebody doesn't rescue him

The world officially came to an end at 5pm today, as a Tube strike cruelly forced people who work in the media and other Londoners to use the same modes of transport as the rest of the country.

“I’ve just walked two sodding miles out of my way to North Finchley bus station,” a puce-faced sub-editor from the Guardian roared at a hapless Metrolink driver. “No bugger saw fit to inform me that I could get on at that funny stick thing just round the corner from my house. Why isn’t this kind of essential information available to the travelling public? Oh, you are so going to get shit for this in tomorrow’s edition, my friend.”

Similar tales of misery were being repeated all over the capital, as bolshie bus drivers not only flatly refused to take credit cards, but even had the sneering impudence to ask if passengers had anything smaller than a £20 note.

Meanwhile, Newsnight presenter Jeremy Paxman has officially been reported as missing. He is believed to be trapped on a circling bus because of a tragic inability to say ‘excuse me’ to standing passengers blocking his exit.