Tuesday 7 September 2010

Koran-Burning Stunt Not Entirely Helpful, Petraeus Tells Preacher

The US military commander in Afghanistan suggested today that a planned mass burning of the Koran might possibly upset a few Moslems, and perhaps even make his job somewhat more difficult.

Pastor Terry Hitler and the fifty fellow members of the Dove World Domination Center - his non-denominational church in Gainesville, Florida - are planning to throw copies of one of the holiest books in the world onto a bonfire as a sign of their solemn respect on the ninth anniversary of 9/11.

So far, thousands of outraged Moslems have demonstrated against the holy book-burning in Indonesia over the weekend, while on Monday 500 irate demonstrators chanted “death to America” in the streets of Kabul on hearing of the bonfire plan.

Bloodshed followed the 2008 revelation that a US soldier deployed in Iraq had riddled a Koran with bullets, and lives were also lost in the wake of reports three years earlier that interrogators at Guantanamo Bay had flushed the Islamic scripture down a toilet.

"It could endanger troops and it could endanger the overall effort," Gen Petraeus warned US media. "It is precisely the kind of action the Taliban uses and could cause significant problems, i.e. our troops getting their asses handed to them on a blood-soaked platter.”
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Pastor Hitler, however, remains unmoved.

“Christ Himself is asking us to demonstrate His redeeming love by desecrating the sacred word of the prophet Mohammed,” he told reporters. "We must send a clear message to the radical element of Islam, which is all of them. We will no longer be controlled and dominated by their fears and threats. The mighty Lord Jesus is telling me that they are the ones who should be controlled and dominated by our fears and threats. Hallelujah."

“Islam is violent and repressive,” he raged, thumping the pulpit for added effect, “Unlike Christianity which is, of course, founded on love.”

“And death to all heretics, of course,” he added. “That’s a very important part of Christ’s message of hope.”

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