Government Faces Tough Call - A Compassionate Society Or Two Brand Spanking New Aircraft Carriers

Admit it, this is so much sexier than a welfare state

Parliament will be facing a difficult decision in the next few weeks, according to figures released by the Treasury today – whether to maintain the pretence of a welfare state, or go ahead with a couple of unnecessary aircraft carriers which have no suitable aircraft and insufficient personnel to operate them.

Out of the £5bn optimistically earmarked to build the white elephants, admitted a Treasury official, £1.25bn has already been irrevocably signed over to the builders, BAe, and their subcontractors - even if their keels were to be scrapped on the stocks tomorrow.

“Look, it’s very simple,” said an MoD spokesman. “If the people of Britain really want a society in which poor people are free to be persecuted, vilified and hopefully rendered homeless simply for the crime of being poor, then they will jolly well have to fork out a few billion to defend that way of life. And that means two undermanned floating football pitches. Now pay the man.”