Dr Clegg Diagnoses OCD In Lib Dem Party

Lib Dems think they can never wash the stains off

Dr Nick Clegg today confirmed that his patient, the Liberal Democrats party, was clearly suffering from a textbook case of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

“It’s a tragic but sadly typical case, in which party members obsess constantly about every passing opinion poll and headline,” explained the mental specialist. “Now, a normal person like me also reads every day about cuts, kicking the poor and the sick and letting the bankers carry on rewarding themselves – but, unlike these unfortunate lunatics, I don’t let it dominate my life. I just fill my mind with page 3 girls, celebrity gossip and the football results, and remind myself what really matters in the real world – namely, that cabinet members like me are now being paid more than any other Liberal MP in history – and get on with enjoying life to the full.”

Twitching, nervous members of the Lib Dems have been put in straitjackets and bussed to a mental health arena in Liverpool, where Dr Clegg will begin addressing their affliction by telling them there is no need to keep themselves squeaky clean, and to stop worrying about whether any of their policies are still in place.