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| Are any of these people wearing a cloth cap? Don't be silly |
“You may be thinking that the banking profession is rammed to the rafters with evil, grasping weasels who care absolutely nothing for the widespread misery they have caused by their cynical trashing of the global economy,” he told fuming delegates. “Well, you’re absolutely right. Yes we are. And your point is…?”
“Well, boo hoo. Here’s how it works,” he explained. “We spend every day in a great big casino, being paid silly amounts to slap your pension fund down on a big roulette table – except, instead of numbers, it has loads of made-up names that nobody pretends to understand, like ‘Structured Investment Vehicle’. If it comes up, we get a huge bonus, we slap down your winnings, and we carry on betting. If it doesn’t, we get a huge bonus, we tell the government of the day to give us the rest of your money, and we carry on betting. Then, when we lose that, we give ourselves another huge bonus, tell the government to give us an IOU for all the money you’ll make for the rest of your miserable lives, and we carry on betting.”
“Now, the more astute among you may possibly have spotted that you have absolutely no input whatsoever at any point in the proceedings,” he continued with a smile. “Well, that’s absolutely correct – because, if you did, you might well decide that the best plan was to turn around and walk out of the casino with all your money. And then we bankers would have nothing to do except order some drinks, which we’d even have to pay for out of our own pockets. Whoops – I let it slip.”
“So that leaves me with one question, which is why I’ve come here today,” he concluded. “How exactly do you think a national strike is going to affect this process? Help me out here, because we’ve been laughing and scratching our heads over it all week.”
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