Heroic Prince Already Rescuing Himself

The royals - big on 'Captain Jack' retro chic isn't it. Standard

Prince William has begun his search-and-rescue career immediately after passing his RAF training course, by heroically pulling his own reputation out of the mire.

The royal heir was being dragged down into London’s most exclusive nightclubs, hopelessly entangled in a chain of stories involving himself and several large drinks, when his brand-new 23 Squadron SAR badge miraculously appeared out of nowhere and fastened itself securely onto his chest.

Although, as second-in-line to the throne, the dashing prince is barred from risking his precious neck on frontline duties, he will be allowed to sit next to a real pilot in a rescue helicopter - as long as it doesn’t involve flying anywhere near mountainous terrain or ships’ masts in Force 12 storms – and take full control of the GPS and the thermos of coffee.

The Prince is expected to receive a posting to RAF Bougis, where he will spend the next three years, with possible short-term deployments to military bases like the Falklands for photogenic reconnaissance missions.