Monday 23 August 2010

X Factor Bosses Admit Using AutoTune To Disguise Droning Monotone Of Simon Cowell

X Factor producers admitted today that they used pitch-altering software AutoTune to add a simulation of human inflection to the soulless, dead noise that comes out of Simon Cowell’s robot head.

Suspicious fans jammed ITV switchboards to point out that they actually heard Cowell’s hollow voice vary in pitch by a whole semitone as its faceplate droned out its standard selection of repetitive stock phrases during Saturday’s broadcast.
Another X-Factor contestant comes off the production line

“Regrettably, producers do occasionally make use of superior Dalek technology in post-production,” admitted a spokesbot this morning from the X Factor’s orbital mothership. “It’s for technical reasons that inferior humanoid life forms would not understand, like inexplicably combining the inputs from several microphones even though every celebrity judge’s head unit is wired directly into the mixing desk.”

Simon Cowell itself was unavailable for comment, as it was in its recharging cubicle downloading routine software updates.

Meanwhile, performing cyborg Gamu Cyberman confessed to being a little off-key during its inanimate rendition of Katrina And The Waves hit ‘Walking On Sunshine’ during the audition.

“Self-diagnostic scan indicates possible intermittent malfunction in vocalisation subroutine,” it intoned. “Delete error and reboot.”

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sky 1’s new series ‘Must be the Music’ actually provides downloads all songs performed by the acts after each show through iTunes with the net profits of the sales going directly to the artists.

Its supposed to be a talent competition not a show to hear auto tune!! Just found a interview of Simon Cowell admits to using auto-tune the excuses are outrageous!! watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUY2u_-FzhI

Socrates said...

Don't you find there's something about Simon Cowell that makes you want to scream WANKER!?