Kick Evil Cat Woman’s Cunt Off, Says Clegg

Yes, that's the sort of thing, says Liberal leader

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg demonstrated his mastery of current affairs this afternoon, by reacting to video footage of a cat being placed in a wheelie bin only 24 hours after a previously-undiscovered tribe of headhunters living deep within the Amazonian rainforest had offered their services to various Facebook death-threat groups.

“My first reaction on hearing about the cat in a bin was to raise an eyebrow at what passes for news these days,” admitted Mr Clegg. “But when the cleaning lady told me that tens of thousands of hate-filled voters had joined Facebook groups, calling for all manner of mediaeval tortures to be inflicted on the perpetrator, I swiftly realised that this was nothing less than a national tragedy of Shakespearean magnitude. I therefore call on the British people to rise up, go round to Mary Bale’s house – the address is all over the net, thanks to the public-spirited activities of numerous eminently-sane posters – and kick her murdering Nazi cunt clean off, before stringing her up by her own evil innards.”

“And pulling on her legs,” he added. “For this is the liberal, democratic way.”

West Midlands police, who have had to provide round-the-clock protection for Mrs Bale, thanked the deputy PM for his input.

“If the man at the top thinks that way, then I’m sure he won’t mind if I reassign my lads to some proper police work, and leave this daft old biddy to her fate,” said Chief Constable Chris Sims. “Now, when she’s savagely slaughtered in her bed by some deranged nutter who thinks their cat told them to do it, I won’t have to answer for it on national telly – Mr Clegg will. If this is what being liberal is all about, I’m all for it.”