Fugitive Tycoon Not Likely To Be Charged With Stealing Millions of Votes

The fugitive millionaire Arsehole Blair, who returned briefly to Britain today after several years abroad, is unlikely to be charged with stealing millions of votes from the now-collapsed Labour Party, admitted Serious Fraud Office officials.

Mr Blair began his blatant theft of Labour votes almost seventeen years ago, when he was elected as leader of the once-prominent party. Under his leadership, the party was systematically stripped of its core policies and beliefs, leaving nothing but an empty shell. Just before the game was up, he cynically fled the country, leaving others to face the music while he enjoyed all of the benefits of a millionaire lifestyle.

“Unfortunately it was all a very long time ago and nobody here can remember much about it,” admitted an SFO spokesman. “The file on Arsehole Blair appears to have unaccountably placed in a cardboard box and filed in the hot water tank.”

“The chances of getting any kind of firm conviction out of this flamboyant crook are approximately zero,” he added apologetically, “As disgruntled former members of his collapsed party know only too well.”