Stephen Fry Makes Impassioned Plea For 64Gb

Past-its-sell-by-date panel game host Stephen Fry today threw his last remaining shreds of credibility to the wind as he fearlessly led a demonstration in support of inhuman conditions for Chinese workers outside the flagship Apple Store in London.

“Gooooooooooooooooooooood morning, good morning, good morning! I’m Stephen Fry,” oozed Britain’s leading polymath to an unaccountably self-important till operative, “Have you got a shimmery-shiny new 64Gb iPad with 3G, piping hot and freshly furnished straight from the mysterious land of Cathay, where its unfathomably sumptuous workings were amassed and assembled by inscrutably suicidal drones whose wretched lives are nowhere near as fabulously replete with exquisite loveliness as my own humble existence?”

“And I won’t take 32Gb for an answer!” chortled the mellifluous star of Kingdom, ITV1’s ground-breaking drama about a fat solicitor.

Moments later, the jowly intellectual giant of BBC1 emerged to rousing cheers, waving his prized toy computer above his head and promising to put it to immediate use by taunting his pet idiot Alan Davies, who is still desperately struggling to fathom the correct usage of the % button on the calculator he bought in secondary school – although, unlike his effusive owner, he does seem to have a faint idea that there may be something not quite right about a factory where almost half a million people regularly work 12-hour shifts before being taken back to the dormitory compound to either collapse in a state of despondent exhaustion or hurl themselves off the roof to a welcome death.