Ventriloquist Who Created Tory Leadership Dies

The ventriloquist Ray Alan - whose upper-class puppet, Lord Charles, became the role model for a new generation of Tories, died today at the age of 79.

Tributes flowed in from a generation of twit politicians who grew up adoring a drunken monocled dummy with a monocle.

Those Tributes In Full:

David Cameron: “Am I being a silly arse?”
George Osborne: “Eh? What?”
Michael Gove: “Hic.”
Boris Johnson: “I say, there’s a fine young filly at the back there!”
Nick Clegg: “Don’t put me back in that bloody suitcase again, damn it.”