British Idiots Predictably Upset By Nasty Hurty Sun

As police community support officers patrolling Brighton’s seafront called for an ambulance to take a five-month-old baby with 20% burns to hospital, health officials urgently wasted their breath in delivering the traditionally-ignored annual warning about the effects of direct UV radiation on pasty white skin to a nation of vacant fucktards.

All across Britain, millions of people with no sense or memory are wailing to each other as they writhe about in pain from their raw red skin.

“I love shiny bright sun up in the sky,” yowled a typically red-faced idiot who spent most of Sunday arsing about on a beach with nothing but a paper-thin t-shirt for protection. “Why sun hurt me? Sun not my friend. Sun nasty.”

“I’ll be back next Saturday, if the weather holds,” added the idiot. “This red skin should have peeled off by then.”