There is growing unease in parliament over the new coalition government’s monstrous plan to permanently conjoin the mad Dr David Frankameron and his slow-witted assistant Igor Clegg for five years, creating the world’s first artificial Siamese twins.
“What will happen if one half of the hideous thing decides it wants to do something its twin doesn’t like?” demanded a horrified Lord Polidonis, addressing a shouting rabble of terrified bumpkins in the Westminster village inn. “The stronger half will always be able to impose his will upon the weaker - and no matter how hard Igor struggles, he won’t be able to break free. Even if he died, his lifeless corpse would still be dragged around by Dr Frankameron until this ghastly, unnatural experiment is over.”
The evil government is nevertheless determined to go ahead with its insane plan to force the scrawny Lib Dem body to remain attached to the stronger Conservatives for the entire test period, unless 55% of the horrified villagers rise up and besiege the castle with a vote of no confidence.
“I really don’t see what all the fuss is about,” raged the crazed Dr Frankameron, desperately preparing himself for surgery as the storm clouds gathered overhead. “Fusing myself to my shambling idiot assistant is the most pressing issue facing Britain today. How can we ever hope to lead Britain into a new golden age, if we are constantly toiling under the ever-present threat of being forced by these uncomprehending yokels to flee whenever we do anything that Igor’s big toe doesn’t happen to agree with?”
“Oh! You are so evil, master,” cackled an admiring Igor, as his master strapped him to a bloodstained table.
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