The Foreign Office is advising sweaty, balding men to postpone their sex holidays to Bangkok until Thailand stops exploding.
The advice came as the British Embassy in the strife-hit capital closed its doors in the face of widespread civil disorder, turning away a frantic crowd of middle-aged losers desperately seeking visas for their teenaged brides.
Meanwhile, Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva appears to be running out of patience with the red-shirted backers of corrupt former leader Thaksin Shinawatra. Last night, rebel general ‘Commander Red’ gave New York Times journalist Thomas Fuller the scoop of a lifetime by living up to his name and spraying the delighted reporter with blood as a sniper shot him in the head in the middle of an interview – and today an explosion was heard in Bangkok’s business district, where the army is trying to seal off the protesters.
Three journalists are said to have been shot as they tried to cover the excitingly telegenic spread of violence whilst heroically trying to play down the inconvenient moral quagmire of the heavy-handed prime minister having previously been reported in the west as a moderate, Oxford-educated underdog who enjoyed massive popular support – in stark contrast to his predecessor, who had until recently been depicted as a dictatorial kleptomaniac loathed by the entire population of Thailand.
In the meantime, thousands of British tourists face a long wait before they can once more bring their economic aid to the sloe-eyed ladyboys of whatever remains of Bangkok’s famous red-light district.
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