Thatcher Returns

Within minutes of returning to Downing Street after meeting the Queen and admiring the curtains, David Cameron stepped outside, unzipped his face and tore it off to reveal the loathsome features of a Margaret Thatcher horribly rejuvenated by evil scientists.

Mrs Thatcher immediately vowed to kill and eat each and every one of you with less than £500,000 in capital, prompting a rush for the ports and airports as the terrified population tried to flee the country.

Other government policies likely to be implemented by the evil Thatcher thing are likely to include selling the BBC to News Corporation for a token £1, a share flotation of the NHS promoted by an irritating cartoon badger and the conversion of the Royal Navy’s surface fleet to oar power, pending the enslavement of the unemployed, the disabled and pensioners.

Meanwhile, the purple-faced electorate continues to wail in anguish at being given the sort of consensus-based government it wanted so desperately before the election, taking just six days to complete a political round trip it took Germans ten years to cover in the twenties.