A controversial BNP party political broadcast was aired last night on the BBC in front of an estimated three viewers who couldn't find the remote, sparking angry protests outside Broadcasting House which ensured that it was all over the news this morning for everyone to see.
In the broadcast, wonky-eyed BNP leader Nick Angriff was seen sitting in front of a case full of medals that weren't awarded to him, with a framed photograph of Churchill glaring at the back of his head, and flanked on one side by a Union flag nicked off a sandcastle and on the other with two sets of books whose spines showed the Dutch flag.
"I'm here to tell you the truth," lied Mr Angriff, after initially scaring a pensioner to death with an air raid siren. He then told both of his surviving viewers that millions of white servicemen, totally unaided by any colonial forces, had selflessly laid down their lives fighting black people in two world wars, before promising faithfully that no more white British soldiers would remain in Afghanistan for a single second after he graciously accepted his destined task of forming a government.
He also explained to his audience - who, by now, were desperately searching for the manual to find out how to turn the telly off from the front panel - that Labour, Tory and Liberal Democrat MPs were directly responsible for plotting to exterminate tens of thousands of innocent white pensioners every winter, who under a BNP government would live forever.
At this point, the portrait of Churchill floated from its shelf and battered Mr Angriff unconscious - bringing the party's broadcast to a timely close.
"I'm sure my wife and I will recover after a nice cup of tea," said traumatised viewer Jimmy Dawson. "And at least now, thanks to the BNP, we know how to turn the telly off with the phone directory in an emergency."
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