A think tank has sharply criticised all three main parties for pretending that the yawning £850bn chasm in Britain's finances will fix itself somehow.
According to the Counting Institute, neither chancellor Alistair Darling, shadow chancellor George Osborne nor the man with the Lib Dems' calculator, Vince Cable, have adequately explained how the gaping black hole will be magically filled overnight by a bit of playful tinkering with the inheritance tax threshold. A spokesman for the think tank said that the only viable option was to sack all public employees, sell the NHS and raise both income tax and VAT to 75%.
However, the statement was swiftly followed by a press release from the Institute for Institute Studies, which pointed out that the reason the Counting Institute had avoided the alternative route of giving the banks a bloody good kicking was that most think tanks receive their funding from large business organisations which like to express their self-serving opinions through their puppet groups, which operate under a paper-thin facade of 'independence'.
This was immediately countered by the independent Institute of Institutes, which said that think tanks were simply philanthropic organisations whose influential members spent their free time working selflessly to bring about a veritable heaven on earth - a view challenged by the Institute Studies Institute, however, which claimed that a survey of all 61m men, women and children in Britain conclusively proved that think tanks were merely a handy mouthpiece for political parties to float ideas which they could then adopt or denounce, depending on how Rupert Murdoch reacted.
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