Dr Who fans are still reported to be hiding behind the sofa, two days after witnessing the terrifying return of the Time Lord's deadliest enemy, Graham Norton.
"My little Timothy hasn't stopped crying since," said Mrs Edna Timms, who has complained to the BBC after the cliffhanger ending of Saturday's episode saw the horrific creature - rendered in state-of-the-art CGI - suddenly leap up and prance around in front of Matt Smith. "I've had to phone B&Q and explain why poor Timmy hasn't turned up for work today."
The 52-year-old child is only one of thousands of sad cases brought to the attention of the BBC by angry retired parents.
"We like to throw in the odd surprise," said Steven Muppet, lead writer of the highly-profitable marketing vehicle. "And the return of the dreaded Graham Norton was long overdue. He hasn't been on Dr Who since he memorably talked over the opening scenes of Christopher Ecclestone's first episode way back in 2005."
"And many of our viewers are a bit too old to remember that," he added.
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