Britain's supermarkets have thanked Gordon Brown for a sudden rush for eggs, after the prime minister's self-pitying whinge on a train to Bournemouth today in which he basically challenged the public to throw things at him.
"I think what you guys are looking for," a surly Mr Brown told journalists, "Is someone to throw an egg at me or something and then say that there is some public anger. This is not like 2005, just let me tell you. This is not like 2005, when there was so much anger about Iraq."
The population - now angry about national bankruptcy, job losses, thieving politicians, greedy bankers, soaring fuel bills, volcanoes, Europe, gay men in B&Bs, yokels with Chinese accents, immigration, chavs, those horrible bastards next door, everybody else's driving skills, the ongoing existence of Andrew Lloyd Webber, the instability of Facebook and the general shoddiness of everything which surrounds them - responded swiftly by emptying the shelves of eggs. When the eggs ran out, the electorate turned to tomatoes and overripe melons before moving onto harder throwable goods such as tinned pilchards, frozen sides of beef and toasters.
"I'm almost tempted to vote Labour," beamed the manager of Aldi in Bournemouth's Wallisdown Road, as he surveyed his stripped-out store. "Don't worry, folks, I've got a special warehouse delivery arriving later."
All over Britain, the scene was repeated as voters fervently hoped for a prime ministerial visit.
"I wish we could have a general election every month!" an ecstatic Tesco chairman and chief executive Sir Terry Leahy told reporters, adding with a smile: "I'll tell whoever wins to see to it."
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