Madonna took a day out from buying a new Malawian child for her growing collection yesterday, arranging a heartrending meeting between her previous purchase and his natural father.
Yohane Magwitch needed an interpreter to speak to his son David, who has completely forgotten his native language. In impeccable English tones reminiscent of Sir Alec Guinness, young David asked his father, "Who are you?" and "Why are you poor?"
"I would like to thank Miss Madonna for removing my son from his natural home, allowing him to play in her cobweb-strewn mansion and working so hard to turn him into a horribly spoilt brat," a red-eyed Mr Magwitch told reporters afterwards. "And I wish her every success in buying as many of our children as it takes to show the world what a sincere, caring person she is."
Not to be outdone at saving the world one child at a time, Angelina Jolie announced today that she is shopping around in India for another cute ethnic kid to add to her multi-racial petting zoo, which already includes well cared-for specimens from Cambodia, Vietnam and Ethiopia.