Gordon Brown has had financial prudence explained to him by Chilean president Michelle Bachelet, as he continues to jet around the world trying to persuade world leaders not to blame him personally at the imminent G20 summit for completely fucking up the world's economy.
"I held up a 50-peso note and explained to Señor Brown that this was money, and if you get your hands on any then it's worth holding onto for a rainy day," said Ms Bachelet afterwards. "I also told him that if, like him, you recklessly give it all away to your greedy friends, then perhaps it's a little foolish to expect them to reciprocate when you open the biscuit tin to pay the bills, only to find it's all gone."
"He seemed to be struggling a bit with that," she went on, "So I made it easier for him. I gave him ten beans. Then I put on an expensive new suit and said that I wouldn't mind buying his shoes for a bean, if he would just give me two beans to cover my costs. He agreed, and I took his shoes and a bean. He said he didn't quite grasp the idea, so I ran it by him again - only this time I asked for his tie. After half an hour Señor Brown had no beans and no clothes - and when I turned down his request to borrow some beans so he might buy back his underpants, I think the peso finally dropped."
"I look forward to seeing Señor Brown again at the summit," she added. "But I don't think the rest of the G20 leaders will be greatly impressed by his appearance."