Sunday, 17 August 2008

Spin Doctors Downplay Outbreak of Socialism

Spin doctors are working frantically to limit the spread of a contagious disease which has broken out at the Department of Health.

The public were urged not to panic, after Health Minister Ivan Lewis wrote an article in the Sunday Times suggesting that high earners could be taxed more in order to help the country through the present economic slowdown.

“Ivan Lewis is a very sick man, and is presenting some of the classic symptoms of full-blown socialism,” admitted a leading spin doctor. “We thought we’d eradicated this pestilence forever in 1992, when we put a bank manager in charge of the Labour Party. However, there is no cause for public consternation. We have moved swiftly to isolate Mr Lewis from the rest of the government, and we are confident that we have stopped the infection before it could spread any further. It seems that he has been incubating a resistant strain of the socialism virus which, if unchecked, is likely to cause a particularly virulent reaction in the Daily Mail.”

A spokesman for Mr Lewis claimed that he had only advocated taxing the rich to ease the pain of the middle classes in their terrible struggle to keep their 4x4s topped up.

“Mr Lewis is merely suffering from a mild fear of losing his seat at the next election,” he said, “If he can be shut away for that, then you might as well lock up the whole of the Parliamentary Labour Party.”

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