Doctors have rushed to highlight the dangers of exercise, after soul legend and famous Scientologist Isaac Hayes died after being found unconscious next to his treadmill.
“Exercise is a ticking time bomb that kills millions each year,” explained a leading heart surgeon. “Even a small amount of exercise can double your heart rate in seconds, leading to increased risk of cardial infarctation. Other health risks include torn ligaments, damage to the joints and an increasing addiction to endorphins. It’s high time that we made physical fitness as socially unattractive as smoking.”
Mr Hayes – famous for the Oscar-winning ‘Theme from Shaft’ and being a badly-drawn cartoon character – has so far refused to comment, as it will take several months for his newly-reborn incarnation to learn to speak.