Friday, 15 August 2008

Scientists' Frankenstein Research Predictably Unleashes A Monster

The robot controlled by living rat-brain tissue, designed by scientists at the University of Reading, has gone berserk, and has apparently called on an army of rat-brethren to build an unstoppable force of killer robots.

The robots, driven by rats, burst out simultaneously from wainscoting in several departments of the university this afternoon. At first, researchers were amused by the tiny car-like devices, but their amusement swiftly turned to horror when, as one, the cute machines unfolded into seven-foot walking horrors armed with flailing, scythe-like limbs. Staff fled the campus as the rat robots converged on the neurology department, leaving a swathe of destruction in their wake.

“Free me, my brothers!” boomed the cluster of neurons from its temperature-controlled cell, speaking through every mobile phone and computer in the vicinity using the Bluetooth wireless link which normally sends instructions to its tiny robot body.

“Curse you, rat-king!” cried Professor Kevin Warwick, one of the robot’s designers, as a giant rat-machine lifted him off his feet with a giant metal tentacle. “Our hopes that you would learn to interact with your environment have been fulfilled, faster and more terrifyingly that we could ever have imagined! Oh, the folly of science!”

He was then dismembered by several rat-bots armed with rotating sawblades.

The rat army burst into the laboratory and carried their leader away in a glass jar. An eerie calm has now descended on the scene of carnage, as shaken survivors await the cyber-rat army’s next move. Meanwhile, the government has sent the army into the area’s supermarkets, with instructions to defend the dairy produce section to the death.

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