Monday, 11 August 2008

Don't Take Away My Breakaway

More Olympic news, and Russia has snatched an early lead in the Freestyle Slaughtering event, storming into the breakaway Georgian regions of South Ossetia and Abkhazia.

The Georgian team were completely taken aback by the ferocity of the Russian opening move, in which relay teams of strike aircraft carpet-bombed the region’s capital, Tskhinvali, closely followed by an assault wave of 10,000 pawns. The Russians then brought the Black Sea Fleet into play, blockading the region’s ports in a classic encircling manoeuvre.

The Georgian coach said he had conceded, withdrawing all of his pieces from the area. However, the Russians are playing on, determined to gain a maximum score before retiring, and have begun bombing parts of Georgia close to the capital, Tbilisi, and moving their knights deep into Georgian territory before withdrawing them in a classic dummy feint tactic.

“There’s no room for complacency in this game,” said the UN umpires. “With Chinese and Indian breakaway factions trying to slaughter everyone in sight, the Russian team will want to make sure they’re sitting on an unassailable death toll.”

The Palestinian entry showed initial promise; but after five minutes its team members began attacking each other, leaving opponents Israel as little more than bystanders. Rank outsiders Mauretania, however, have been disqualified, as it became clear that their initially-promising coup turned out to have been achieved with a disappointing lack of bloodshed.

However, all eyes are on the American team, whose form in Iraq and Afghanistan over the last few years has been impressively consistent and surely makes them the team to beat – although their endgame strategy has been a weak point in recent years, leading to several stalemates.

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