Prince Charles has criticised the spread of genetically-modified crops, calling them “the biggest disaster environmentally of all time”.
The prince said that reliance on multinational corporations for mass production of food would threaten future supplies and wipe out small-scale farming.
“If they think this is the way to go we will end up with millions of small farmers all over the world being driven off their land by rampaging ten-foot radishes into unsustainable, unmanageable, degraded and dysfunctional conurbations of unmentionable awfulness,” said the prince, as journalists reached for their dictionaries. “You can count me out.”
A spokesman for Monsanto was keen to downplay the royal heir’s comments, however, saying: “We’re not taking any crap about genetic disasters from a chinless, jug-eared monstrosity.”
The Duke of Cornwall was unrepentant, however. “Rich people are bastards,” he insisted. “Before you know it, they’ll own the land beneath your feet.”