Almost half of Britain’s military personnel say they want to leave the forces, according to a survey by the Ministry of Defence.
With 47% of the Army and Navy and 44% of the RAF saying they have had enough, service chiefs have been left in no doubt that, of the options available in the survey, their troops are unhappy about the increased tours of duty, poor-quality equipment and housing and low pay.
“Obviously one matter that’s been weighing on my mind quite a bit is the prospect of having the family jewels blasted to kingdom come, just to safeguard the God-given right of Americans to drive round in gas-guzzling monster pick-up trucks for years to come,” said one soldier in Iraq. “Funnily enough, though, there didn’t seem to be a box for that on the form. I say bugger this for a game of civilians.”
Some members of the forces, however, poured scorn on their faint-hearted colleagues.
“I’m having the time of my life,” said a Lieutenant Wales, serving a devastating backhand in the tennis court installed for his benefit in HMS Iron Duke’s helicopter hangar. “My entire tour of duty in the Middle East was hardly taxing. It was only a few weeks long, I felt completely safe and I’ve been assured that I won’t have to go back to that ghastly place again. As for the Navy, I’ve got no complaints about the accommodation. The water-skiing is great, room service is tip-top - and we’ve just secured an extraordinary amount of Charlie, so at the moment it’s one long party.”
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