World leaders are playing down the deployment of 21,000 police in the Japanese lakeside town of Tokayo to cover the G8 meeting which begins there today.
With rising food and fuel prices likely to dominate the agenda, the heads of state stressed that the worldwide economic meltdown was purely a figment of people’s imaginations, caused by misinformation, bad karma and negative vibes.
“With 21,000 police officers standing between us and the people of the world, anyone would think we were less than universally popular,” said Prime Minister Gordon Brown. “Let me assure you that nothing could be further from the truth. The worldwide recession that isn’t happening is not our fault. The Japanese authorities are polite to a fault, and to save delegates from the embarrassment of missing a meeting by accidentally forgetting to set their watches to local time, they will be able to ask a friendly Japanese policeman every three yards.”
“Gee,” said US President George W Bush. “Look at all the nice shiny uniforms. When do we get to talk about putting more missiles into Europe?”
Meanwhile, starving people in the poorest nations on Earth took heart from the message that there was no major recession.
“As the empty plates facing my family are illusions caused by our ignorance of global market forces, I shall just tell them to imagine heaps of delicious food piled high on their plates, and to believe that their stomachs are full,” said a Brazilian peasant, on his way to deliver his crops to a Monsanto biofuel converter.
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