A survey conducted by London Metropolitan University has left nutrition experts stunned to discover that children seem to quite like junk food.
“This is a profound shock,” said Professor Cressida Broccoli of the University’s Department of Salad Studies. “When we gave kids a choice of mouth-watering bran on a rice cracker or a giant bag of Space Raiders and a Coke, most of them scoffed down the evil snack manufacturers’ toxic concoctions, then threw the All-Bran at us. What kind of creature would prefer artificially-flavoured rubbish in garishly-coloured packaging to a sensibly-sized, healthy portion of wholesome natural ingredients designed by Jamie Oliver?”
Another group of appalled researchers recently discovered to their surprise that, when asked to choose between a suite of brain-training puzzles designed by a leading Japanese education expert and stamping around a virtual battlefield in a giant walking tank, children exhibited a strange tendency to shun mental training in favour of a sickening orgy of graphic violence.
We asked a child to explain his irresponsible behaviour, but he called our researcher a rude name and ran away laughing.
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