Man Unfit To Run Media Empire Defended By Woman Unfit To Be MP

Spot the hideous parasitic sucker

Top Tory masturbation fantasy and Lady Thatcher impersonator Louise Schmuck today appeared on all channels simultaneously to explain to her intellectual inferiors why – contrary to received wisdom, common sense and the evidence of her own two eyes - Rupert Murdoch is nothing less than the acme of business morality.

“I and my less glamorous Tory colleagues on the Culture Committee disagree strongly with its conclusion that any rational human being would rather wear radioactive knickers than trust the saintly Mr Murdoch any further than they could throw him,” she simpered, speaking from the elderly press baron’s trousers.

When reminded that, coincidentally, Mr Murdoch happens to be the publisher of her sister’s books, Ms Schmuck’s permanent smile cracked and fell off, revealing a hideous parasitic sucker which literary experts say could be a some kind of metaphor.