MoD Fails To Take Into Account Servicability Of Lifts In Council Tower Blocks

Put it in the park instead

Angry residents in Tower Hamlets have warned the Ministry of Defence that any surface-to-air missiles they try to install on the roofs of council apartment blocks for the duration of the Olympics will have to be carried up the stairs as the lifts aren’t working, and will almost certainly be nicked by those toerags on the fifth floor and sold for drugs.

“I don’t have any idea what the current street value of a Starstreak missile is,” said local resident Bob Wilcox, 81, “But I bet the local gangs would be delighted to point a couple at anyone else who tries dealing on their turf.”

An MoD spokesman assured residents that any High Velocity Missiles stationed on Tower Hamlets rooftops would be lowered into place by nice, quiet Chinook helicopters.

“Besides, the piss-laden stench of the stairwells would corrode the electronics something chronic,” he added. “Nobody wants our tracking systems to identify a sprinter as a rapid incoming threat, lock on and blow them sky high. Why, if they weren’t members of Team GB, we could be accused of cheating.”