‘Arse’ Is Complimentary Military Acronym, Insists Red-Faced Tory MP

Colonel Patprick Mercer, the Tory MP in hot water after directing a barrage of insults at PM David Cameron at a party last week, has strenuously defended his words, claiming that they are merely military jargon which has been misconstrued by civilians.

A compliment to the Prime Minister

“I say, chaps, when I called Cameron an arse, that’s just a common acronym among the rank-and-file soldiery for A Really Spiffing Example,” he spluttered, over a G&T at the Army and Navy Club. “And to call a fellow ‘a most despicable creature without any redeeming features’ is, well, that’s merely the traditional toast of the Worcester and Sherwood Foresters’ mess complimenting the latest fearless exploits of one’s commanding officer.”

The former BBC defence correspondent also took issue with the sound quality of the recording made at the private function.

“Now look here, old boy, this won’t do at all,” he mumbled into his glass. “When I said I’d take a beggar from the streets rather than him, that blasted tape thingummy completely garbled the bit towards the end where I said ‘and give him a jolly good thrashing’. Have a couple of whisky chasers on me – here, finish the bottle – and I think you’ll agree.”

“And damned if the bloody thing didn’t make an absolute balls of the part where I was explaining to the waiter that I hate macaroons,” he insisted as he slowly slid from his armchair.

The Prime Minister later told reporters that he gave his full support to Colonel Mercer, adding that they could interpret that in any way they pleased.