Wednesday, 16 November 2011

Businesses Demand Funding To Enslave Young Unemployeds

As youth unemployment soared past a million, Britain’s business community today called on the government to bung its members the necessary funds they need to enslave all of Britain’s teeming young unemployed forever.

And they've all got at least 3 A* grades
“Youth unemployment figures are truly shocking and with more than one million young people unable to find a job, the Government must wake up and realise that there will never be a better opportunity to bring back slavery,” said John Walker, chairman of the Federation Of Small Exploiters. “Otherwise we might very well all have to relocate our head offices to China, where all the crap we sell is made already. Of course, chains, gruel and horsewhips don’t come cheap, and I don’t see why we should have to stump up a penny out of our own pockets.”

“A generation risks being scarred by the devastating effects of long-term unemployment,” warned John Cridland, doomsayer-general of the Confederation of Bastards Industry. “The government ought to be making it worth our while to scar them with the devastating effects of long-term slavery instead.”

“What with the staggering cost of paying the bean counters to show us how to avoid paying our taxes, the only way we can possibly ever become competitive again is to pay our workforce less than the Chinese, i.e. bugger all,” he added. “Come on, Osborne, cough up if you want to keep that AAA rating.”

No comments: