Big-Hearted Children Generously Donate Services To BBC Celebrities In Need Appeal

Please, don't let any more celebs die a lonely, painful death on ITV

Millions of children all over Britain have been dressing up in expensive fancy dress today, selflessly giving up their valuable time to raise much-needed profiles for the BBC’s annual Celebrities In Need appeal.

“With the licence fee cruelly frozen, millions of lovable little BBC stars are facing a miserable Christmas and an uncertain New Year,” cajoled Sir Terry Wogan. “Stars like poor little Doctor Who. He’s been painfully thin all year, he went missing for a while during the summer and he’ll hardly get out at all next year. Won’t you help the brave little fella live out his dream and visit Hollywood before he dies?”

Tess Daly also issued a moving appeal on behalf of BBC newsreaders – who, in the face of brutal cuts to amusing panel shows, are reduced to prancing about with their mad old granny in the tragic hope that they might one day be rewarded with a paltry daytime quiz format.

“And please, please spare a thought for lovable Vic and Bob,” pleaded Fearne Cotton. “They’ve just heard that the wheels have finally fallen off the knackered old comedy vehicle they’ve relied on for years, and now it’s only fit for the scrapheap.”