US Downgrade By Faceless Suits Proves Britain Was Right To Let Faceless Suits Off The Hook, Gloats Cameron

America today

The reduction of the United States’ credit rating from AAA to AA+ by a faceless bunch of corporate bastards in suits utterly vindicates Britain’s policy of giving all your money - and your children’s - and their children’s - to the faceless bunch of corporate bastards in suits who caused this mess in the first place, prime minister David Cameron boasted today from a sun-lounger next to his Tuscan holiday villa’s pool.

“So much for friend Obama’s wishy-washy efforts to shield the typical American worker from the worst effects of the recession,” he crowed as he poured himself another Pimms. “Pater was a stockbroker, as you know, and my first and fondest memory is of him throwing my Lego men into my potty, sitting me down and telling me, ‘Son, the way to get on in this life is to keep pooing on the little people, and the people who matter will always look after you.’”

“That’s what I’ve been doing ever since,” he smirked, “And the important people have indeed rewarded me with their coveted triple-A credit rating - despite the fact that we don’t make anything of value, we’ve used up all our natural resources and we’re not even clearing the interest on the national debt.”