Anarcho Squad To Arrest Francis Maude

Francis Maude, or someone who looks quite like him

City of Westminster police are preparing to storm the Houses of Parliament this aftrernoon, after a call for the public to inform on anarchists resulted in switchboards being jammed with warnings about the Conservative party, and Cabinet Office minister Francis Maude in particular.

“Anarchism is a political philosophy which considers the state undesirable, unnecessary, and harmful, and instead promotes a stateless society, or anarchy,” warned the City of Westminster’s counter-terrorism focus desk, on the same day that Mr Maude cheerfully admitted the wholesale wanton destruction of the machinery of government – with 17,000 civil servants taken out and many major infrastructure projects stopped dead in their tracks as part of a carefully-orchestrated £3.75bn assault on the very foundations of state.

“This is just scratching the surface of what we have planned for the coming months and years,” taunted the black-suited Maude on his notorious anarchist website, http://www.cabinetoffice.gov.uk.

“Remember, lads, the primary objective is this jumped-up little prick Maude, who struts around the gaff looking like Boris Yeltsin,” Inspector Savage of the Westminster Bastard Squad briefed his team as they eagerly smacked their nail-encrusted truncheons into their gloved palms. “But if you happen to see that budget-slashing creep Cameron, or his nihilist accomplices George Osborne or Theresa May, the odd riot shield in the teeth certainly won’t go amiss.”