Dr Fuckwit, I Presume?

(A warning to readers of a delicate disposition: this report contains non-PC language)

Formidably dense

Communications received via that modern marvel, wireless telegraphy, indicate that the intrepid Safari expedition has finally succeeded in making contact with hopelessly misguided Internet Explorers long held to have been lost for good in the formidably dense thickets of the darkest internet.

They have no word for 'upgrade'

Tools

The quest for the benighted Explorers – who are totally reliant on rudimentary tools otherwise to be seen only in municipal collections of antiquities - has, of late, greatly exercised the collective imagination of the entire world. Indeed, many learned gentlemen openly scoffed at the very notion that such throwbacks could still be alive in our modern age. Yet, not only do they exist; moreover, the brutish ingrates have in fact displayed an astonishing obtuseness in clinging defiantly to their primitive ways: threatening anyone who offers them Apples, dazzles them with shiny bits of Chrome or demonstrates their complete mastery of Firefox by sending them scurrying for cover under a veritable hail of vile excrement.

No support

“These backward Internet Explorers seem to have finally lost touch with civilisation way back in 98 [signals the Safari team], stubbornly sticking to their Stone Age ways even when they had no viable means of support remaining to them.”

Horrible viruses

Safari experts deserve our utmost praise for keeping the exact whereabouts of the Explorers from the enlightened world - rightly fearing that, riddled as these creatures undoubtedly are with all manner of horrible viruses, they must surely constitute a dire threat to our well-being. All efforts to bring the appallingly out-of-touch Explorers up to date have been angrily rebuffed; furthermore, they caution, any well-meaning attempts to actually convert them would certainly be met only with torrents of abuse and dung.

Quaint

Meanwhile, in an outburst of quaint, bird-like noises, elders of the Explorer tribe made it quite clear that any more unwelcome visitors from the civilised world will be killed and eaten.