PM Reminds Critics He Didn’t Say Absent Fathers Should Be Stigmatised Like The Sick And Disabled

Prime minister David Cameron has reacted to fury over his comment that absent fathers should be stigmatised like drink-drivers by saying that if he wanted to be really vindictive he would have called for them to be harangued in the press every day and routinely mistreated by statutory bodies, like the sick and the disabled are.

Lower your trousers please, Mr Tomkins

“In my dreams, all that will happen to absentee dads is a TV ad campaign every Christmas warning them to mind how they go,” explained a conciliatory Mr Cameron. “I did not say they should all be assumed to be pretending to have absent children when in fact they have none, and neither did I say they should be completely ignored by the police, get paid less than the minimum wage or receive frequent slaps and boots up the arse from the people who care for them.”

“Having said that, I would rather like to see their privates put in an industrial crusher,” he added. “Purely in the public interest, of course.”