Cameron Tells Forces: ‘You Do The Dying, I’ll Do The Bullshit’

No morale problem here

After Air Chief Marshal Sir James Bigglesworth’s plaintive warning that he felt somewhat peevish about navigating by starlight to Libya and back every night and his trusty but overworked Sopwith Camel was only held together with string, an irritated prime minister David Cameron today advised the forces: “I tell you what, chaps - you do the dying, and I’ll do the talking.”

“Now Biggles is a top-hole sort, don’t get me wrong,” Mr Cameron elaborated later. “But strictly between you, me and the media, although he’s jolly good at giving Johnny Arab a biffing, well, let’s just say he’s not exactly all things bright and beautiful, is he? There are gentlemen and there are players; he’s merely a player, naturally, whereas I am clearly a gentleman.”

“I must say, whenever I speak to his wingman Algy, his doughty mechanic Flight Sergeant Smyth and young air cadet Hebblethwaite, I find them positively oozing with enthusiasm,” he exclaimed. “So jump back in your crate, Biggles, there’s a good chap, heave a few more Mills bombs over the side at the mad mullah and let’s have no more backchat from the ranks, what?”

“’Ours is not to question why’, remember,” he added. “Play up, play up and play the game now, like a good little boy.”