Britain’s lions, tigers and elephants today blasted David Cameron’s Circus for its “barbaric” handling of wild politicians, saying that it was cruel and outdated to threaten dumb parliamentarians with whips.
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| This endangered MP has won a 'best of breed' award |
“Only yesterday, I saw a magnificent Mark Pritchard MP suffering the sort of abuse I wouldn’t have believed possible in an enlightened society,” trumpeted famous elephant Brian Blessed indignantly. “The ringmaster and head clown, David Cameron, tried to lure him into a pathetically small office - and when the defiant Pritchard refused to cower and grovel, Cameron threatened him with a selection of brutal whips. This shames us all.”
A spokesman for Cameron’s Circus, however, claimed there was a huge public demand to see endangered MPs jumping through various hoops - including the crowd-pleasing Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority trick, in which the snarling politicians are humiliatingly made to submit their expenses claims.
“It’s not as if we could just release these creatures back into the environment,” he added. “They simply don’t have the skills to survive. This circus is the only sanctuary they have.”
“Grr,” commented an angry tiger.
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