Obama Suddenly Realises Futility Of Arguing With Woo Community

Obama's State-Of-You address - fuck off, come back and fuck off again

President Obama has sensationally refused to publish photographs of a Middle Eastern man with a head like a colander, after it belatedly dawned on him that he was getting into one of those never-ending arguments with an army of conspiracy addicts for whom no amount of factual evidence will ever constitute absolute proof.

“You know what? Fuck it,” the president told reporters at a special White House briefing. “We could be arguing pointlessly for years, and I really have got better things to do. So I’m not going to bother publishing a load of grainy pictures of some guy nobody’s seen for a decade with his brain decorating the walls, any more than I’m going to hold a fucking séance to ask him to name his favourite teacher. You can believe Bin Laden is dead, or you can believe that marmalade is made by pixies for all it changes anything. Because I really don’t give a shit.”

“End of,” he added emphatically. “Have a nice life, losers.”

The internet was instantly abuzz with jubilant claims that the president’s refusal to continue an unwinnable argument proved beyond a shadow of doubt that Osama Bin Laden was still very much alive and kicking, apart from the small matter of his deaths in 2003 and 2007.

Donald Trump, meanwhile, responded swiftly by demanding the release of Bin Laden’s death certificate.