Evil Terrorists Nearly Killed Millions With Deadly Photos Of Sellafield, Claim Police

Run like fuck

Five Asians (read: Fanatical Islamic Terrorists) on holiday in the Lake District came perilously close to killing every living thing in the United Kingdom, claim vigilant police officers who swooped when they saw the desperate, hate-filled terrorists clearly pointing cameras in the general direction of the giant Sellafield nuclear reprocessing facility which dominates the landscape.

“We could tell them wun’t from round ‘ere, ‘cos ‘appen we’re related to all t’folks round ‘ere,” explained eagle-eyed PC Bob Cumberland, the Cumbria force’s anti-terrorist squad. “Them looks aal foony an’ foreign. Turns out all o’ them coom oop from soom town folks call ‘London’. Me an’ t’wife’s uncle, ‘e says ‘tis fair crawling wi’ them Muslim fundimentals, like.”

The five – who have no links whatsoever to Osama Bin Laden, but it’s important to shoehorn his name in here somewhere – have been handed over to Greater Manchester Police, who are confident they will beat some satisfactory lies out of them.