Saturday, 7 May 2011

Dr Who Arrested As A Counter-Revolutionary

A familiar face will be teaching the Doctor all about The Long March
Veteran time-traveller and enemy of the revolution Dr Who has been detained by the People’s Republic of China for three months, during which he will be forcibly re-educated, announced officials at China’s state TV regulator. The Time Lord’s TARDIS has been impounded by the state and will not be returned on his release, he confirmed, adding that the Doctor’s future travel requirements would be accommodated by a standard-issue bicycle.

“Time travel is not mentioned at all in the writings of Karl Marx or Chairman Mao, and is therefore counter-revolutionary,” explained Ouyang Lina of Oriental TV. “Overseas operatives swooped on this notorious enemy of the state last week, after assassinating his former lackey Sarah Jane Smith, met police detectives on arrival in China and took him to a re-education centre – where they were all detained together, as the glorious people’s government has also designated spies and crime investigators as capitalist running-dogs.”

The Doctor’s friends, a Mr & Mrs Williams of Leadworth, are understood to have travelled to America in the hope of persuading Dr Sam Beckett to come out of retirement and bounce around history at random until he finally arrives in China in the present, where they hope he will formulate some crazy ad-hoc escape plan with the aid of his best friend, a hologram.

Meanwhile, worried leaders of Earth’s other governments have sent a radio message into space, declaring the planet to be under strict quarantine following a terrifying outbreak of the space runs.

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