Tuesday, 5 April 2011

UK Eagerly Awaiting Return Of Citizen Dave

The people of Britain are today clamouring for prime minister David Cameron to return and begin implementing the hard-left agenda he has just urged Pakistan to adopt.

Citizen Dave will soon be returning to lead the Eton Popular Front
Wearing a Che Guevara T-shirt, the newly-converted PM told his Pakistani counterpart, Yousuf Raza Gilani: “Fuck the rich, comrade! They’re nothing but a thieving bunch of greedy parasites sucking all the wealth out of your people. Tax their asses off – make the bastards pay!”

When his host expressed surprise at Mr Cameron’s forthright advice, pointing out that he was the millionaire son of a millionaire father, socialism’s new spokesman angrily retorted that this was the sort of typically unhelpful and predictably reactionary comment he expected from a capitalist running-dog.

“I don’t accept any responsibility for being born into a privileged family, comrade - that’s an accident of birth!” he retorted angrily. “I didn’t ask to be rich, I didn’t ask to be sent to Eton, and OK, I may have chosen to go to Oxford but that’s only because I worked really, really hard and did incredibly well in my A-levels and chose to observe the overprivileged parasites in their nest and learn their weaknesses.”

“Besides, under socialism everybody will be a millionaire,” he added furiously. “It’s not about dragging everybody down to the same level, it’s about raising everybody up. So hands off my cash, you horrid little prole.”

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