NATO Urges Libyan Protagonists To Adopt Gaudy Colours

Refusing to apologise for yesterday’s ‘friendly fire’ airstrike on rebel tanks which killed four people, NATO urged both sides involved in the fighting to paint their vehicles in bright primary colours to prevent similar tragedies in future.

“Well, how were we supposed to know the rebels had tanks too?” demanded Rear Admiral Russ Harding, speaking from his bath in Naples. “We thought they must have been tackling Gaddafi’s armour by clambering on the back and chucking sand in the carburettor, or something.”

There, now you can spot the bad guy tank a mile away

The problem facing NATO pilots is that both sides are using ancient Russian T-72s with spots of faded green paint showing between the flaking rust patches, making it impossible to tell friend from foe.

“What you need above all in war is a jolly good colour scheme,” insisted the Admiral. “For example, in the American War of Independence our boys played fair by wearing bright red jackets, so both sides would be absolutely sure that the chap in their sights was a British soldier. We’ve air-dropped a pallet of Dulux Sea-Blue paint into rebel territory, asking them to oblige ASAP, and through diplomatic channels we have also instructed Colonel Gaddafi to paint his fighting machines bright red. Intelligence sources indicate that he can supply his own paint.”

“Ideally, both sides’ ground troops will wear these colours too,” he added. “After all, it’s in everybody’s interests to know who’s who, isn’t it?”

Asked whether Libya’s unpredictable dictator was likely to comply with his wishes, Admiral Harding pointed out: “We have every reason to believe that Colonel Gaddafi is quite familiar with the basic principles of NATO wargames. He played enough of them in England and Greece, while we were training him.”